- bonding difficulties
- Non-lived rage
- Non lived grief
- Not knowing where/who the birth parents are
- Strong adaptation behaviour
- Always getting into the same, difficult situations again
- trauma due to the loss/death of parents
- Find yourself worthless or behave like that
When you're adopted, you're required to be happy with it. That you could have a trauma from your parents not being there does not come up with most people. Anyone who is not adopted can mourn the loss of a stuffed animal. Only you do not mourn the loss of your parents, because you are adopted.
There are now several studies that prove that adopted children are mostly traumatized. As a small being, you were left alone when you were not yet able to speak up for yourself. From the person you trusted the most, the person you knew best, the person you were most similar to in your movements and appearance, the person from whose body you came (you were your mother in your belly for 9 months). The first sound you heard was her heartbeat and her words. The first thing you felt was her belly. The first thing you smelled was her). Losing this person and your father (50% of whom you come from) is the same as the sudden death of a loved one today.
If you suddenly lose your child, partner or parents today as an adult, then it is completely socially accepted that you are traumatized by it. There are all forms of support. Doctors and therapists are aware of this.
But as soon as you are adopted, you are expected not to make such a drama out of it. Adoptive parents lie to you because they are afraid of losing you: is that real love? Was your adoption a real act of love for you? Or were your adoptive parents (consciously or unconsciously) concerned about being socially lovable? You should not look for your parents because they did not want you or you should let the past rest. You must not be angry or grieve because it has been a long time and you should be happy that you are adopted. It could have been much worse. But your identification marks, your parents, are gone - maybe even forever.
What does such a being do with the experience of such a worldly loss?
It adapts to where it goes because it blames itself that the parents are gone. It thinks that if I just adapt, then the adults stay. It tries to be exactly like the adoptive parents, which is impossible because it doesn't have the same genes. It will never be the same. This leads to a feeling of self insecurity and worthlessness.
There is any support for the adoption parents, but not for the child or the adult adoptee, who may have been traumatized for more than 40 years going through the world. Because the adoptees must be happy that they have been adopted.
If you, as a small being, had had the opportunity to really mourn the loss of your birth parents and later received real support to get in touch with your birth parents, then many things in your life today would have been different. You would have had more self-confidence and be more self-confident about your personality. And that would make it a lot easier to have good relationships and find your profession or calling.